i would punch a child for taco bell
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
