benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
