We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We are all done wearing pants today
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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