stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
