Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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