Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
