I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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