The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
