My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
