we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
