a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
