just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
