dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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