you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
