I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
