Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
