What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
