I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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