My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Two words: blizzard sex
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
