Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
