Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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