i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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