She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think people are normalizing furries
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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