HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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