And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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