If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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