Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
