I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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