I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
