Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
