My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
