Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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