im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
