Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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