Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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