okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
