trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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