the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
