I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
