My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
