just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
