The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
