There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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