yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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