dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
