If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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