Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
