Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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