i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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