I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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