omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
