god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
