We named our party play list daddy issues
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
