Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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