dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
another moral hangover. fuck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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